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Writer's pictureTim Eames

Change is Painful but Needed


Nate, my wife Diana, and me (2018)

In the early 2000's I was attending college in northern Indiana. I lived in a house off campus, surrounded by more corn than people, with this man by the name of Nathaniel Norman. Nate was black and I was white. Nate grew up on the east coast in Washington D.C., I grew up in the midwest. Nate was big and I was small. Nate's faith was different than mine. Nate saw the world through a different set of lenses than I did. In almost every way, Nate and I could not have been further apart in our thinking. If you could imagine, there was constant tension, and I mean constant! I think we fought more than got along. It was brutal! Oh, and did I mention we both chose this living arrangement voluntarily? Yes we did. I remember this one night, our fight got so bad I couldn't take it anymore and I ran out to my car to leave. As I was driving away Nate was standing in the front yard screaming at me, "YOU'RE LEAVING BECAUSE IT'S EASY!" I just kept driving down the road.


That time living with Nate was painful.


Right now our country is facing the same tension. I am sickened as I think about the death of George Floyd. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. That act was 100% racist! That act was 100% anti-human! It was evil in every way! I've heard many people say, "I can't believe this is still happening in our country." Sadly, racism is alive and well in our country, and there are thousands of more incidents, just like this one, happening every day. If you can watch this horrible event and it doesn't provoke any emotion or action on your part, shame on you! I am broken for George and his family. My heart breaks for all of my friends who have faced similar situations their entire life. Oh my body aches over this! This is not how things should be.


We've got this all backwards. The problem is we choose to see the differences first. I live in a city where there are many different colors, creeds, and cultures. My kids, 10, 8, 7, and 6, go to a school with the same diversity. I noticed that my children don't see the differences as I do, they see all their friends as the same as them.


Different colors all around them.


Different faiths and different beliefs.


Different cultures and different fashions.


My kids see THE SAME.


All they see are other children. Doing the same things together.


In the beginning God created us the same. He made us all in His image (Gen. 1:26). Everything starts with the same, same humans made in the same image. Together we all bear the image of God. TOGETHER. Instead of starting with the same, we start with the differences. We start with the different cultural backgrounds, different colors, and different nationalities. Racism and segregation are taught. We are taught these things through our environments, through people we spend time with, it's a learned thing not a natural thing. Much like my children, we are created to be united. To be together as one.


Much like my friend Nate's scream, "...it's easy", it's easy to divide. It's easy to say there's you and there's me. It's easy to see the differences all around us and go our separate ways. Here's the problem. It's so easy to treat others like enemies until they become just like me.


When a child affected by racism is MY child.


When a prostitute on the corner is MY mother.


When they become ME.


When those become US.


When He becomes ME.


We could be them, and they could be ME.



"Nate the Great" giving gifts to my children

Back to my roommate situation with Nate. After I drove off that night, I stayed in a dorm with another friend. I loved Nate and hated him at the same time. I'm sure the feeling was mutual. We needed each other even if we didn't want to admit it. We talked the next morning, and we worked it out...again...like we always did. Today, 15 years later, Nate are I are very close friends. I deeply love Nate, and Nate deeply loves me. I look back on those days with him in college, and now realize that Nate saved my life. Nate would say that I saved his as well. We saved each other, because we chose to live in the tension. We chose to change, change our thinking, change our actions, and ultimately change who we are. I owe my life to Nate. Here's the thing....


Change is painful.


When two different world views collide, it's painful.


The years spent with Nate were probably the hardest years of my life, he'd tell you the same thing. As hard as that time was, we are both so grateful for it. God used that time to make us who we are today. Nate is hurting right now, and because he is hurting, I am hurting. Many of my friends are hurting today, and I am hurting with them. No one could break the bond that I share with Nate. We are one! We still don't agree with each other on many issues, but our love runs so deep that we truly wrestle to see each other's perspective. Now we appreciate our differences, and at the end of the day we always chose love.


Here's my challenge to you.


Do all the people or voices in your life look the same, think the same and act the same as you? Do you have anyone in your life that constantly forces you to see things differently? Do you have friends in your life that will openly tell you the truth at all costs? Any differences at all in the people around you?


If not, take the dive! Seek out people from different colors, creeds, and cultures. Live in the tension! Learn to appreciate the differences, and unite on the similarities. Remember, you share the same image. The same image of God that all humanity shares. Don't be afraid. The closer you get to people of other colors and other cultures, the more you'll realize that you have way more similarities between each other than differences. After all it's about seeing people as God sees them.


We are better together!


You are loved.


Tim

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